Today I visited the mausoleum of former Syrian president Hafez al-Assad. The leader is interred alongside his son and would-be successor Basil, who was tragically martyred by a brutal Mercedes steering wheel. It was just the security guard, me and two boxes.

It's true what they say, by the way: Pictures of the opthamologist, his dad, and occasionally Basil really are everywhere, upon everywhere, upon everywhere.

Fashion tip for the former: Lose the mustache.