Hey you!




Woah. What the heck is that?

That's a festive holiday announcement for the 3rd annual "Toys in the Attic" toy drive this Friday at Tulip Cafe! There'll be an all-you-can-eat Christmas dinner and if you bring a toy, you can drink free beer and wine all night long! The doors open at 7 p.m. and festivities will carry on till the wee hours.

Why does Tulip need toys?

The toys are not for Tulip, fool! They'll be given to local needy children.

But I hate children.

I know, I know... Especially orphans. Look, Scrooge, it's not just about toys. It's about the spirit of Christmas. It's about giving, and having a good time and dressing up like sexy Santas and throwing caution to the wind and forgetting about our troubles for just one night. There will be mistletoe and jingle bells and lots and lots of great food. Dinner costs 300 crowns, and that includes a huge all-you-can-eat buffet with roasted turkey, stuffed goose, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet and savory stuffings, vegetarian lasagna, cranberry sauce, gingerbread pudding, and more! That's the Christmas spirit!

I don't celebrate Christmas.

OK, so we'll make you some latkes. It'll be just like one of your Hannukah seders.

That's Passover, jerk! And I'm not Jewish, either!

Doh! Sorry.

Will there be punch?

Tell ya what. For the 300, we'll throw in a glass of sparkly champagne. Mirth! There will be lots of mirth.

Carp?

No way, dude.

Plum pudding? I'll only come if there's plum pudding.

Actually we thought of that, but apparently to do a proper plum pudding you have to start one year in advance. So maybe we'll do that for the 4th annual toy drive. Look, when was the last time you ate a roasted stuffed goose?

You're really roasting my goose.

That joke has already been made like a hundred times, dork.

Wait a sec! As I recall Tulip Cafe has only been open since August 2002. So how can this be the 3rd annual toy drive?

Ah, you're smart. In fact, Prague's annual "Toys in the Attic" toy drive is the creation of the former owners of the legendary Old Town watering hole From Dusk Till Dawn.

Dude! That place rocked.

Indeed. They've sold the bar but they've gotten together with Tulip this year to continue the toy drive. And oh! I almost forgot! There will be a guest bartender from the old Dusk.

So basically you're saying I can get sloshed to my heart's content just by giving away a toy. Say, do they have Happy Meals in the Czech Republic?

Yes, but not so fast. You have to bring a new toy. No kid, no matter how underpriviledged, wants somebody's dirty old teddy bear or a second-hand Cracker Jack prize.

I heard orphans here are spoiled and already have all the toys they need.

Whatever you say, man. See you Friday.

Wait! Where's Tulip?

Opatovická 3, in New Town, just a couple blocks south of the National Theatre. Click here for a handy map.